Hoi An: a lantern-clad wonderland

We packed our soggy bags with all our soggy stuff and left soggy Da Lat behind, hopping on to a sleeper bus headed for Hoi An. We had to fight the driver who was trying to put us all (including a 6ft6 human) onto a shelf at the back where none of us would be able to sit up for 14 hours, but once we’d told him where he could shove his shelf we settled in for the ride. Ryan had been to Hoi An last year and then spent the following 365 days harping on about it, so we were expecting good things, and boy we weren’t disappointed. Here’s what we got up to...

Hoi An Ancient Town

This dreamy lantern-lit city was once a trading port during the 15th-19th centuries, and it’s cultural-melting-pot history is reflected in its architecture. Strolling the streets you see a mix of eras and styles from wooden Chinese shophouses and temples to colorful French colonial buildings, ornate Vietnamese tube houses and the iconic Japanese Covered Bridge with its pagoda- all set along the river. You could spend a day literally just walking around admiring the place, which then becomes even more magical at night when the lanterns are switched on. It’s straight out of Disney. In fact, it’s SO good it’s UNESCO protected.

Markets

A stroll through the streets of Hoi An will bring you to the row of market stalls selling everything from fish to the bowls to eat it from. Matching outfits? You got it. Tailor made shoes? You got it. Tiny magnetic bowls of Pho? You got it. We heard an American lady strolling around saying “I could literally buy everything here!” And she’s not wrong, it’s all lovely. Across the bridge on An Hoi island is the night market where you can buy beautiful lanterns and other souvenirs, but don’t forget to barter. I don’t know how many times we heard “Lucky morning price! Good for me, good for you!”

The Lantern Lady

This one wasn’t actually a planned visit, we stumbled across an advertisement for this little workshop which turned out to be a real gem. Hoi An is famed for its lanterns, so what better to do than learn how to make them? For about £4 we learnt how to construct the bamboo structure that gives them their shape, and then how to add the material to give them their colour. The Lantern Lady was a great teacher, super patient (thankfully), and gave us free tea too. Winner.

An Bang Beach

I’m a sucker for a place that has both fun city vibes and beach chills, and Hoi An ticks both boxes. An Bang beach is a short cycle from the city (and most home stays give you free bikes). The waves are the perfect amount of fun without trying to obliterate you (take note Mui Ne!) and you can rent deck chairs all day for just over a pound as long as you promise to get some food from the owners later. Soft white sand, blue skies and cool water- the perfect day out of the city.

Hoi An Adventure cycling tour

We love getting off the beaten track a little and trying to explore local culture a bit more, but we hate tours because a) expensive and b) people. But Hoi An Adventure offer private half day tours (with snacks!) for £14. We rode around the countryside seeing family temples and hearing about their superstitions, a carpentry village, a family who hand made traditional sleeping mats, and another family who made rice paper and rice noodles- both families even let us have a go (probably for the comedy factor, artisans we are not) It was a great way to get to see a more traditional side of the city and our hosts were super lovely.

Impressions theme park

How do I even describe this bizarre spectacle? On a little island in the middle of a river Impressions theme park opens its doors each day (but not Tuesdays!) at 5pm, beginning with a welcome song and dance around a fountain. They then let you into the ‘theme park’ where you watch a series of other songs and dances as you work your way through. You’ll understand 0% of them because they’re all in Vietnamese and the title usually makes zero sense when compared with what’s in front of your eyes. Also, don’t try and find a cup of tea. It doesn’t exist. On our tea search we accidentally attended a Japanese tea ceremony where we sat in silence whilst a lady in a kimono swirled tea around a pot and then poured us a thimble. Do they not understand I’m British and need access to tea 24/7?!

Anyway, the main event kicks off at 7:30pm. Honestly, I’ve never seen a set this big outside of Universal Studios Hollywood (and I’ve spent a loooot of time at the theatre). It had a city, a river, a boat, more boats on the river, a life size elephant replica, bicycles... and it goes on. The production tells the cultural history of Vietnam through music and dance, and it really is quite the spectacle.

Escape IQ Hoi An

I love an escape room, so I was thrilled to find one in Hoi An as part of a birthday surprise for Ryan. The storyline is that a village shamen recently lost his wife and child in an accident and has since gone mad, instead walking around with mannequins. Shortly after people began going missing but the police have had no luck in solving the case. Your job is to find the most recent victim. Because we are geniuses, we obviously made it out in time, but the special touch was that when we finally found the victim, she emerged from her prison with birthday cupcakes with Ryan’s name iced into them. Amazing.

Sleep:

Quynh Nhan Homestay- rooms and bathrooms are huge and you can use their bikes for free. It’s a little walk into the Ancient Town, but honestly sometimes it’s nice to be out of the hustle and bustle. Plus, they’ve got a well cute puppy.

Eat:

Ellie’s cafe- veggie and vegan, amazing eggs and smoothie bowls and refillable green tea.

Avos and mangos- amazing cold brew teas and avo on toast all with an artistic flair.

Reaching Out Tea house- this place is run by people with hearing and speech differences. Everyone signs and encourages you to join in which makes for a super peaceful spot. The tea and cookies are amazing too.

Bikini bottom- near the beach, amazing avo on toast and juies

Zeytum- huge middle Eastern falafel and pitta

Morning Glory- amazing vegetarian Cau Lau

Market bar- wine and cheese above the bustling market

The Roastery- tea and pastry with river views

Drink:

Dive bar- good tunes, good vibes, strong drinks open til 12

Thanks for having us you lantern-covered-riverside-spot-of- dreams. Next stop: Hue by moped!